Feminism / Male Privilege / Rape Culture / Rape Tourists / Tourists

Where consensual fantasy = consent or else.

This is a part of a series of nearly unedited conversations (edits include spelling corrections, grammar corrections and other slight fixes) that I’ve had online with men in chat rooms devoted to rape fantasy. While the rooms are dedicated to fantasy, the men there usually want to talk about actual rape, not make-believe, and in my experience these guys start off the bat asking if I had been raped, sometimes using degrading language. 

 It shouldn’t be construed that these men are actually rapists or want to commit real rape. Fantasies are normal and so is curiosity. So for that reason I think of theses guys as tourists, not rapists. However, some have told me they have committed actual rape. These posts are meant to give a window into the mind of some men and how they think about rape. The names of the men have been changed and all identifying information has been removed. Please proceed with caution if this concept is upsetting to you. If this triggers you and you need to talk with someone about it, please contact RAINN at 1-800-656-4673.
Another note: Rape fantasies are common among both men and women. A lot of survivors of rape have them and feel guilty about it, which can complicate the recovery process. Let’s be clear. A fantasy can’t hurt another person. They can be unsettling, however, even to the person who has them. If rape fantasies are upsetting to you, I urge you to seek out counseling. But I don’t think someone is bad or wrong simply for having them.

Bored tonight, so I went back to the rape fantasy chat room to see what people were up to. No big whoop. A guy IM’s me and …

McCreepy: and what is your real age ?

Me: 35

McCreepy: smiles

McCreepy: married?

Me: no

McCreepy: what kind of work do you do?

McCreepy: ***thinking of different fantasies I could do to you***

Me: office work

McCreepy: and what do you look like in real life

Me: nothing special

McCreepy: dont be shy, tell Me

Me: i’m not shy, i just hate the damned question

McCreepy: well its a fairly common one

Me: yeah, and that’s why i hate it. it’s fucking boring and you won’t see me anyhow, so what’s it matter?

McCreepy: guys are visual

Me: use your imagination

McCreepy: you wont last long with that attitude, you know that

Me: won’t last long?

McCreepy: nope

McCreepy: will get you banned of the server

Me: for not describing my looks?

McCreepy: pretty much

Me: off the server? ((For those who don’t know, you can ban people from a certain chat room or channel, or you can bank them from the entire server. People who run a given channel or chat room can ban from their own room. Banning them from a server is a bigger to-do.))

McCreepy: attitude on girls doesnt work well here

Me: off the channel, maybe. off the server? don’t think so.

(there’s no communication for several minutes, then my router goes dead. No big whoop, happens about once an hour in my house…)

McCreepy: smiles

McCreepy: got disconnected, did you?

Me: yep

McCreepy: imagine that ((Because I’m supposed to think he did it?))

Me: oh please

(Several minutes go by again, and then …)

^MissTaken: I operate the channel.  are you here

Me: yes

^MissTaken: is there a problem tonight?

Me: with what?

^MissTaken: you

Me: no

^MissTaken: understand you don’t like to describe yourself or have other issues like that?

Me: i think it’s an annoying question, yes

^MissTaken: prefer a ban?

Me: i’m obligated to provide a description?

^MissTaken: if asked

^MissTaken: am I clear?

Me: i thought the channel says “consensual”

^MissTaken: if you are going to argue

^MissTaken: you will find yourself banned

^MissTaken: am I clear?

Me: so to be clear, even though the channel says “consensual fantasy,” i am nonetheless obligated to answer questions i’m not comfortable answering.

^MissTaken: yes

Me: how is that consensual?

^MissTaken: sighs

^MissTaken: ok, will just ban you

Me: for not describing myself to strangers.

^MissTaken: yes

Me: who else is an op here, i think there should be more opinions on this.

^MissTaken: my room

Me: ok, then. i don’t think you understand the meaning of “consensual.”

^MissTaken: gee

^MissTaken: then Ill just change it quick

^MissTaken: look, if you are going to be an attitude problem

^MissTaken: you arent going to be allowed here anymore

^MissTaken: am I clear

Me: i’m not here for anyone else’s entertainment than my own, and if i don’t feel like describing myself to someone, i don’t have to. and if you’re going to compel people to do it or threaten them with a ban, you don’t understand what “consensual” means.

^MissTaken: ok, leave

Me: you’re an idiot. am *i* clear?

And at that point, I am kicked off the server — not banned. I come right back. And as of me writing this, I’m still sitting there. I’ve never been much for blindly respecting authority. I also don’t give a shit about male privilege or women who enforce it on other women.



3 thoughts on “Where consensual fantasy = consent or else.

  1. Interesting. My favorite line, though, is: “I don’t give a **** about male privilege or women who enforce it on other women.”

    Our biggest challenge as feminists right now are those women. My opinion, of course.

  2. I’ve never ever seen a conversation anything like this between a Moderator and a chatter. I think this guy was logging in from two computers and pretending to be a moderator.

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