This is a part of a series of nearly unedited conversations (edits include spelling corrections, grammar corrections and other slight fixes) that I’ve had online with men in chat rooms devoted to rape fantasy. While the rooms are dedicated to fantasy, the men there usually want to talk about actual rape, not make-believe, and in my experience these guys start off the bat asking if I had been raped, sometimes using degrading language.
Fudd: I am Fudd 40M and you?
Temira: F 35
Fudd: What brings you here? chat? fantasy? rl?
Fudd: I see
Fudd: About being raped? or?
Temira: About men.
Fudd: And what is it that makes you curious about men?
Temira: Why some like rape, if they like just the fantasy of it or also the reality, etc
Fudd: I like both, fantasy for practical reasons.
Fudd: Are you attracted to abusive men?
Temira: And real?
Fudd: Yes real too, very much so but my life is too precious to spend it in jail
Fudd: But given the right opportunity I would not hesitate
Temira: If you were guaranteed not to get caught?
Temira: You would?
Fudd: Yes, no doubt about it
Temira: Even knowing what it does to a person?
Fudd: That makes it even more exciting and attractive
Temira: How so?
Fudd: I love fucking with someone’s head
Temira: Do you know women who have been raped?
Fudd: Yes I do
Fudd: Have you ever been raped?
Fudd: When? and how?
Temira: 13 years ago. What do you mean by how?
Fudd: How did the rape happen? under what circumstances?
Temira: A date, in my home
Fudd: I see
Fudd: Did you report him?
Fudd: Why not?
Temira: I knew nothing would come of it
Fudd: Isn’t that a very fatalistic and passive view?
Fudd: Are you submissive?
Temira: I’m not now, though I was more then, and it is a realistic view. Most prosecutors only take the “good” rapes – a stranger breaking into a house, etc.
Temira: Date rapes? Forget it.
Fudd: Do you feel fucked by it?
Temira: Fucked by it?
Fudd: Fucked up lol
Fudd: Sorry, my bad
Temira: I wouldn’t say so, but it was more than anyone should have to go through
Fudd: What do you look like?
Temira: Just average
Fudd: No woman is average, that is such huge cliche
Temira: OK, less than average
Fudd: Can you back that claim up?
Temira: I’m not going to describe myself or share a picture
Fudd: Are you looking for an explaination why you got raped?
Temira: Oh, I know why
Temira: He was a self-entitled asshole
Fudd: And you dated him
Fudd: An unwise choice heh?
Fudd: So if you know why you got raped, what is it really what you look for here?
Temira: How too many men come to the conclusion that this is an OK thing to do to someone
Fudd: That thought keeps you occupied?
Fudd: Even though you cannot change anything about it?
Temira: I’m curious about people
Fudd: Something we share then
Fudd: What do you do in life?
Temira: I’m a writer
Fudd: What do you write about?
Temira: Nothing interesting, most of the time
Fudd: Not a very exciting occupation then
Temira: I like it just fine
Fudd: What do you think or feel when you hear about a woman being raped?
Temira: It makes me sad
Fudd: It makes me excited
Temira: Well, it’s nice you can get off on human misery, I guess.
Fudd: That’s your way of viewing it
Fudd: Do you feel miserable?
Temira: Not most days
Fudd: Then I wouldn’t be getting off over miserable you
Temira: How would you feel if the woman who got raped was someone close to you – would it still be a turn-on?
Fudd: Tery much so
Temira: Even as you watched her cry, or feel like hurting herself, or fall into depression?
Fudd: Yes, because I would encourage her to turn that depression and affliction into a sexual addiction
Fudd: I take it the above statements all apply to you?
Temira: Even if it was your mother or sister?
Fudd: No, that would be impossible. I dont have a sexual relationship with either
Fudd: Ideally i’d like it to be my wife/gf
Temira: OK, so say it was a mother or sister who was raped. How would you feel about that?
Fudd: Happy to fairly excited
Fudd: Did the rape change your sex life?
Temira: It didn’t
Fudd: Sounds like it really had a limited impact then
Temira: Why, because it didn’t change how I fuck it’s a limited impact?
Temira: Women are just for fucking, am I right? Is this how you think?
Fudd: The second is certainly true to a point
Fudd: And yes it is a pity that it didn’t change your sex life.
Temira: No it isn’t. I told myself the next day I wouldn’t allow it to.
Fudd: Your bf missed out on an opportunity there
Fudd: I would have kept chipping away at you until you gave in
Fudd: The breaking process is part of the fun
Temira: It wouldn’t have worked
Fudd: You don’t know
Temira: I do
Fudd: Want to try?
Temira: There is nothing you could say or do
Fudd: You’d be surprised
Temira: No, you would
Fudd: Whatever you believe, we will never know because we are not together
Fudd: But you have already revealed weaknesses
Temira: Well, that’s clue number one right there. I never would be with you.
Fudd: Not now no lol
Temira: Not ever
Fudd: Of course not, since you have information about me you wouldn’t have otherwise
Temira: I don’t have space in my life for people that treat others like dirt
Fudd: Then why on earth are you here talking to me? you have just thrown up a contradiction in terminus
Temira: You are not in my life
Temira: I log out, you disappear
Fudd: Then log out
Temira: When I’m ready
Fudd: And stop wasting precious time of your own life
Fudd: You will never be ready to let it go
Temira: Let what go?
Fudd: The rape of course, the fact that you have been scarred for life
Fudd: But what a beautiful scar you have
Temira: Oh, it affected me, sure. But I’ve used it to become better.
Fudd: Just like women are enhanced after a rape, albeit in a different way you would see it
Fudd: Most women I wanted to say
Fudd: So how has it affected you?
Temira: I help other women who have been attacked
Fudd: That’s it? is that the only thing you deem different?
Temira: As though that were small or unimportant
Fudd: To me it is totally trivial
Fudd: What do you find sexually arousing?
Temira: To me, it is immense – people reaching out from their own hurt to help others out of theirs
Temira: That you can’t see that is sad for you.
Fudd: Did you honestly think I would be a proponent of what you do?
Fudd: That would be quite politically incorrect
Temira: I think you’re talking a lot of bullshit trying to seem more ominous than you are
Fudd: Thanks for your concern but I am far from sad
Fudd: lol, it’s a free world, you are free to believe what ever you want
Fudd: Did I ever say I consider myself ominous?
Temira: No but you’re trying so hard to come across as some malevolent thing
Fudd: I am not malevolent, on the contrary
Fudd: Shrugs back
Temira: You’re kind of boring me now. I get your shtick.
Fudd: Then leave
Temira: When I’m ready.
Fudd: Then simply stop talking
Temira: If I want
Temira: You have no say over me
Fudd: You seem to like doing that
Temira: Does it bother you?
Fudd: Nope, you are free to do as you want
Temira: Agreed 🙂
Fudd: A smiley even?
Temira: Why not, throw caution to the wind
Fudd: boring one minute, smiling the next
Temira: You know what I think?
Temira: I think you’re frustrated that nothing you’ve said has gotten under my skin.
Fudd: A raped woman throwing caution overboard?
Temira: Not working
Fudd: I have no intention of you getting under skin. Under IRC? ROTFL
Fudd: On IRC
Temira: Oh, bullshit, sure you did
Fudd: Rolls his eyes
Fudd: Hold on, phone
Temira: You said it yourself, you like to manipulate women who have been raped
Fudd: Back, yes absolutely. I got an incredible buzz out of manipulating females. But I am also realistic enough to know that given these circumstance, ie your personae and the mode of communication, my chances are limited
Fudd: I try to stick to the 80/20 approach
Fudd: Besides; it is not just about raped women
Fudd: There is plenty of fun to be had with ‘non-rapees’
Temira: It’s awesome that you are equal opportunity like that
Temira: But our time is at an end. Bedtime.
Fudd: I do my best, age wise too
Temira: Yes, yes, I’m sure.
Fudd: Sleep tight and lock your windows