This is a part of a series of nearly unedited conversations (edits include spelling corrections, grammar corrections and other slight fixes) that I’ve had online with men in chat rooms devoted to rape fantasy. While the rooms are dedicated to fantasy, the men there usually want to talk about actual rape, not make-believe, and in my experience these guys start off the bat asking if I had been raped, sometimes using degrading language.
It shouldn’t be construed that these men are actually rapists or want to commit real rape. Fantasies are normal and so is curiosity. So for that reason I think of these guys as tourists, not rapists. However, some have told me they have committed actual rape. These posts are meant to give a window into the mind of some men and how they think about rape. The names of the men have been changed and all identifying information has been removed. Please proceed with caution if this concept is upsetting to you. If this triggers you and you need to talk with someone about it, please contact RAINN at 1-800-656-4673.
Another note: Rape fantasies are common among both men and women. A lot of survivors of rape have them and feel guilty about it, which can complicate the recovery process. Let’s be clear. A fantasy can’t hurt another person. They can be unsettling, however, even to the person who has them. If rape fantasies are upsetting to you, I urge you to seek out counseling. But I don’t think someone is bad or wrong simply for having them.
Shemp: Hi how ru
Shemp: U been raped
Me: 13 years ago
Shemp: What happened
Me: A lot
Shemp: Want to talk about it
Me: Do you?
Shemp: Turns me on
Me: Ok, I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine
Shemp: What happened
Me: Was a guy I dated once, invited him home and he asked if I was curious about bondage. When I said I was, he offered to show me how cuffs worked. Once my hands were immobile, he did whatever he wanted.
Shemp: What he do to u
Me: First, strangled me and warned me not to ever say no to him, then had me orally, vaginally and anally
Shemp: U cum
Shemp: Did he
Shemp: How long it last far
Me: Six hours, the last part he tied me to the bed and slept an hour or two
Shemp: What u think of it now
Me: It was horrible
Me: What do you think about it?
Me: What about it turns you on?
Shemp: The control
Me: Tell me about that
Me: What about the control part of it gets you?
Shemp: The thought of being able to do anything
Me: What if you had a willing partner?
Shemp: Still like it
Me: Why not just have a woman who is willing, then?
Shemp: Curious on force
Me: What about it makes you curious?
Shemp: Hard noe
Shemp: Hwaring about u ((edit: no idea what that means))
Shemp: What u look like?
Me: Nothing special.
Me: Does it bother you that it was the worst experience of my life?
Me: Does it bother you that you are a sick fuck?
Me: It should